Horse beating has been around for nearly 30 years. Some of the early adopters merely batted the deceased creatures for months at a time. Now, we are seeing slews of individuals who have taken a liking to this day old trend of deceased horse beating.
“Horse beating is fun!” said Norene Vlanderhook. “I don’t really have anything else to do. But, there’s solace to be found in badgering these deceased carcasses with blunt force trauma.”
Even with the recent reports of dead horse beatings, it seems there is a societal yearning, a need to revisit this age-old trend. But, it does have some parents concerned.
Carly Garcia, a mother of two, states she’s concerned about her children’s recent dead horse beating behavior. “I’m genuinely concerned they are going to shoot up a school. My kids are 12 and 13-years old. It’s like I don’t even know them anymore.”
Garcia, who leaves her kids unattended for 16 hours out of the day, is having trouble understanding her kids’ violent outbursts. “My husband and I don’t talk to them much or spend time together. It’s those damn horse beatings that are tearing this family apart!”
Garcia is amongst many other parents who are signing a petition to not only ban dead horse beatings, but they are looking to pass legislation to halt the production of the most recent video game release,”Stallion Battalion.” This is a sequel to the infamously controversial title “Horse Shot,” a game where you could impale a Clydesdale.
“Games like these are making our kids crazy! Video games make kids stupider and stupider every damn day. Getting rid of them makes gooder sense for everybody. They are just, just dumb.”
If the legislation passes, numerous games could be affected by the ban. Games like Neigh-O and The Legend of Gelda might be on the chopping block for those allowed to be sold in stores.
While there is no clear resolution, the science world continues to publish reports with plenty of evidence to prove there is no correlation between this bad behavior and the violence that follows dead horse beatings. When we asked Garcia if she or her husband would read these reports, her only response was, “Neigh.”
Disclaimer: The above post is satire.
A console gamer gone rogue. Collector of retro games, pun and dad joke enthusiast. My spotify playlists are out of control. Rocket League anyone?